Foxes, Bookstores and Getting Organized…

Foxes, Bookstores and Getting Organized…

What do they have in common? Me. That’s about all.

I’ve had a pretty hard summer, to be honest. If I was really honest, I’d admit to having a rough decade but, looking back, I feel like it wasn’t too bad. Sure, I cried rivers, came down with a mysterious illness doctors still can’t diagnose, developed anxiety and depression and a bit of an OCD tic where I repeat words and sentences to myself (thankfully not out loud), I’ve gone from one job to another, been stymied in my dreams, my ambition held back by old men and I’ve broken up with my oldest friend who felt I wasn’t worth the truth anymore—though I was worth asking for that loan…

Anyway.

I look back and think it wasn’t so bad, but that’s only because I came out stronger. It’s amazing how your perception changes over time. Hell, even just the other day I cried, but, listening to other people’s stories I consider myself lucky and blessed and I think they have had a harder time than I…Except maybe they didn’t.

Emotions, motivation, aimlessness, sickness, death…blah, blah, blah.

I’ve been trying to open a bookstore. It’s nearing the time I’d wanted to be open, and I haven’t heard from my lawyer in a month, I’m not a legal entity yet and the place I wanted was sold out from under me by a suspiciously-resistant-to-selling realtor who likes to stand entirely too close to women in basements. The new place I looked at is oddly perfect…except the left front corner of the foundation is sinking and since I pointed that out, I haven’t heard back from that realtor.

No one is talking to me.

Except the universe.

My father always pokes a bit of fun at my term ‘the universe.’ I use it in place of ‘God’ which means my mother and grandmother just call me a heathen. Mmm, for the record, pagan, yes, but not heathen.

Strap yourselves in for some mysticism.

The universe speaks to me through insects—because who doesn’t love creepy crawlies, yeah? Scores of dragonflies and the occasional butterfly, a multitude of ladybugs and moths, sometimes a cricket and rarely a katydid. Ants and spiders, earwigs and silverfish, centipedes and caterpillars…sometimes a waterbug which I’d prefer not to get, and yet, the signs are there and I see them and understand. They really do tell me what’s coming or what to focus on.

So, imagine my surprise when the bugs stopped and the foxes started. Sometimes there were birds, so it wasn’t just me and the creepy crawlies, but believe me when I say the foxes got my attention as nothing else had. They’re so different from what came before.

And I live in a city (well, at the edge). Yes, foxes and even coyotes are everywhere in the US, but you don’t normally hear them calling out in an urban environment.

A fox has been waking me in the night, screaming—but it’s not mating season, so I don’t know what she’s looking for. I feel like she’s telling me to wake up, which fits with the theme of the random bugs and birds that have been knocking on my window all summer long. The day after I first heard the fox, I met two separate people wearing fox shirts. After that, two more fox shirts, a slew of new people named Fox have come to my attention, fox emblems, charms, quotes from people named fox showing up on social media…Foxes have taken over my awareness. It’s  only been a week and a half. Before you start sputtering about coincidence or seeing what I’m paying attention to, this is a very high amount of ‘fox encounters’.

So I looked them up. And there are a lot of truths that have slammed into my face as I did so. Now, in case you haven’t noticed from above, I’m closer to following pagan traditions than anything else, though I was raised Christian—specifically Lutheran. But, I also have a degree in world religions (and politics) so I understand a little bit about a lot of things. I can tell you now that no one has all the answers, and maybe one day I’ll share my theory of the Christian story concerning the Tower of Babel.

For now, let me just say that there are truths and messages coming to me on an urgent tide. Let me also give you a warning. I’ve separated my religion and my politics from my business. Writing books is my business. But I feel like spreading my truth. Like the fox, which can symbolize teaching, guidance, patience (and mischievousness, tricks and definitely intelligence) I’m ready to call out and wake someone up. Foxes have long been linked to camouflage, blending in when necessary, but, also, they know when to leap.

I’ve been hiding and I’ve been hidden. I contorted my life so as not to outshine the people around me, but I’m tired of that. I’m tired of waiting, I’m tired of others holding me back because somehow they’ve gained more influence over my life than I have, and I’m tired of biting my tongue so that my truth doesn’t offend.

But, you know what? This is my real estate. I’ve gotten my house in order and I’ve rearranged this website, hence the ‘organization’ part of the title. I’m ready to move into the next phase of my life, ready to step into my future and I pray it’s better than what I just went through.

I hope you’ll stick around and read what I’ve got to share. I hope you’ll take a look at my books and head over to my new webstore to see if there’s something you like, but if you can’t respect my opinion and my right to voice my opinion, then you may go immediately.

And to all the people personally in my life, it’s my turn now.

 

Realty Rant- Why is this old man blocking me?

So here’s just a little rant (these will be coming with more frequency because I’m tired of being the one who bites her tongue). Older men are making my future quite difficult right now. I’m in the process of opening a community center/bookstore-café, awesome ideas are filling me with excitement, people are telling me they can’t wait, my neighborhood is stoked…

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…and I don’t even have a building yet because my lawyer is dragging his feet, another guy doesn’t listen very well and so keeps asking for official government/legislature answers to questions I never asked and don’t need to know for my business, and a realtor is ridiculously stubborn and apparently set against me renting the building.

I have no idea why these delays are happening. I was supposed to have the legal stuff all set up by the end of July, and moving into the building by the end of August. Grand Opening at the end of September near my birthday. I’ve been working on this since February and got massive amounts done on my own then hit the part where I needed help for the rest of the way.

It literally took 5 accountants before one called me back…meanwhile, I had loan offers from 4 banks. How fucking backward can we get? And now I’m told the building I’ve been trying to view again, after twice telling the realtor I wanted to send him a letter of intent—and he told me he would write it? WTF? Okay, whatever. My lawyer and accountant said if he wants to write it, let him. But now the realtor says he’s got a ‘bona fide’ letter of intent and the owners are considering it and I shouldn’t have waited so long…

Dickhead, you waited. Not me. Because you don’t want to rent me that space.

Unless he’s lying, thinking it will drum up my interest, which is equally annoying. The building’s been empty for 4 years, listed by 2 or 3 different realty companies…and suddenly in the past 6 months 7 different people are interested in buying it?

Whatever.

Listen, I’m superstitious, I’ll admit. I wasn’t going to consider this building after the initial showing, especially because I don’t like the realtor. Creepy vibes and all that. I felt unsafe with just him the building. But…then the universe kept shoving me back toward that place. Over and over, so I gave in and started pursuing it for real, and that’s when I hit all these realtor-made roadblocks.

I’m trusting in the universe. Either I get the building or I don’t. It’s either meant to be mine or it isn’t. We’ll see. I know I’ll geta  great place, the one I’m supposed to be in. But it’s still frustrating when other people block your progress, and more so when you were trucking along just fine on your own. It’s even more galling when a man keeps lying to you because he thinks that’s the best strategy…you don’t know me. I prefer honesty.

I also prefer when assholes get the fuck outta my way and let me do what I need. Thank you very much.